BIG SHARE
AND THE
AMAZING
BIONIC EYEBALLS




If I were doing a report for my first grade class, I would start it out like this:

"My mom has the most amazing eyeballs!"

(That's an homage to Aubrey's presentation in case you missed it.)

Alright, I wasn't in first grade when my mom had her first cornea transplants -- I think I was in 6th grade or something -- but that's right, folks, my mom has someone else's corneas in her eyeballs.

That's the creepy part. But it's also amazing.

Growing up, I remember looking into my mom's eyes and being able to see the little ring of stitches -- and, later, scars -- around the edges of her eyes. I always thought of the rings as misplaced halos. I never told her that, but look at what I saw (her eyes are also brown, so this photo accurately re-creates my experience):


Isn't it ethereal?

She -- and her sister, Laurie -- had their corneas transplanted about 25 years ago when the technology was fairly new. But evidently that's about how long the transplants last.

So, here's what the doctors did again to one of Mom's eyes yesterday:


They implanted a lens and transplanted a cornea. They also did cataract removal. Isn't that absolutely amazing?

Why is the cornea so important?
I'm no expert, so I'll pass on what our friends at the National Eye Institute have to say:

Although the cornea is clear and seems to lack substance, it is actually a highly organized group of cells and proteins. Unlike most tissues in the body, the cornea contains no blood vessels to nourish or protect it against infection. Instead, the cornea receives its nourishment from the tears and aqueous humor that fills the chamber behind it. The cornea must remain transparent to refract light properly, and the presence of even the tiniest blood vessels can interfere with this process. To see well, all layers of the cornea must be free of any cloudy or opaque areas.

Its two main functions?

1 - It helps to shield the rest of the eye from germs, dust, and other harmful matter. The cornea shares this protective task with the eyelids, the eye socket, tears, and the sclera, or white part of the eye.

2 - The cornea acts as the eye's outermost lens. It functions like a window that controls and focuses the entry of light into the eye. The cornea contributes between 65-75 percent of the eye's total focusing power.

Considering all that, how's Mom doing?
I spoke with her on the phone last night and she said she had a headache (which she's had all week) and some pain. It didn't help that the light hurt her eyes when she tried to look at the flowers we sent her. (Uh, sorry, Mom.)

Other than that, she's hoping for full recovery. Soon. Which, if you know her, is SO my mom -- she's planning on working from home today, since the doctor says she can't drive for 24 hours. Doesn't that seem too short a time? Again, amazing.

She's doing great so far, and it sounds like there aren't many risks involved. Let's hope that's the case. I need her to keep reading my blog.

NU?

In case you missed it on the 12/25 post...

Christmas Day Conversation

Mom: Aubrey, I don't know if we'll be able to get a light bulb for your oven this morning - I'm not sure any stores will be open on Christmas.

Aubrey: Well, Mom... let's just go to a Jewish store!

For all our dreidel-spinning latke-noshing friends...

The Reynolds family wishes a happy holiday to you and your mishpocha. May you know that you bring great hope and pupik to this household.

MAZEL TOV!

WHEELCHAIRS AND CRUTCHES

Barritt, Indi and Aubrey were hilarious.
They wanted some interesting accessories
for their American Girl dolls...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I might as well take a minute to write this morning since we've been up since 5:30 -- when we heard Aubrey whispering "Dane! ...Dane! Santa's been here!"

She knew that without even leaving the perch in her loft, because Santa kindly left all our filled stockings under the fake tree in their room.


Out in the Living Room
Indeed Santa found his cookies and carrots and egg nog - and the notes the kids left him. (You'll see that Dane chose not to mince words this year and simply drew Santa a picture of a Lego character.)


This morning we found that Santa left them some notes, too:



And Aubrey and Dane found three fabulous gifts from the old chap:

Aubrey squealed as she opened the Easy-Bake Oven she's been asking Santa for for three years now. (For two Christmases they were recalled because kids were burning their hands? Hmmm...) And then she opened her Mia American Girl Doll, which came with a book, a couple outfits and little ice skates. She was so excited. She just knew Santa would get her that doll this year because she doesn't have any American Girl dolls -- and Mia-the-Ice-Skater is only offered this year. (Thank you for running such a sweet racket, A.G. company!) And, finally, if one of Mia's little friends pulls a Tanya Harding on her, Aubrey also got the American Girl Doll wheelchair she'd been hoping for.

Did I say Aubrey squealed as she opened her gifts? Well, so did Dane. The first gift he opened was his biggest -- and it was the Lego Star Wars Republic Attack Gunship, which, we learned, has the rare Commander Cody in it. The kids thought that was so cool they couldn't quit smiling. After Mick and I went for naps around 6:30 (Oh, I didn't mention that? Yes, we did - essential if you can swing it after a 5:30 Wassailing Wakeup) Dane stayed up and set up a majority of the kit on his Lego table. Now he's waiting for Mick to wake up and help him with the rest, practicing Jedi Math on his new Leapster. (This item looked like "Jeapster" on Dane's list - but Aubrey assured him that Santa would figure it out.) Later, we'll play a game of CLUE, Dane's third and final zippy gift from Santa. Can't wait! I want to be Miss Scarlett...

And the 'rents?
Santa hooked Mick and me each up with some books. Looks like Michael Chabon was his main squeeze this year:

Mick got The Yiddish Policemen's Union and I got The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay.

We also got the Heelys we've been begging for! (Thank you, Mom and Don.) Now we can glide all around Ashland with the kids...

Woooooooooooooo hoooooooooooooo!

AND For All Our Dreidel-Spinning Latke-Eating Friends
The Reynolds family is definitely aware of you. Peace and Happy Holidays to you, as well.

May you know that you bring great hope to this household; hence, the conversation in our home this morning:

Mom: Aubrey, I don't know if we'll be able to get a lightbulb for your oven this morning - I'm not sure any stores will be open on Christmas.

Aubrey: Well, Mom, [as if she can't believe Mom hasn't thought of this herself] let's just go to a Jewish store!

AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT.

Twelve Days of Christmas Tag
from Shanana's blog

Here's another of those nerdy blog tags I love responding to. If you're just joining us - because you got our blog address on your Christmas card (you know, the one that's the official last milking of Mick's graduation photos?) - then you might want to scroll down to another entry.

This entry is just silly musings. Well, actually, most of my posts might be just that. So I guess you should just read whatever you want.

One amusing Christmas memory: 1975. I was five years old. My Aunt Arlene, a flight attendant, arrived at Sea-Tac on Christmas Eve and drove straight to the apartment where I lived with my mom in Tacoma. I had just gone to bed, barely able to contain my excitement about the next morning, when Aunt Arlene raced up the stairs and burst through my bedroom door, telling me I just had to run downstairs with her, right then and there in my nightie and bare feet, because Santa and his reindeer had just flown over my apartment! When we got out there, I’d apparently just missed him - and I have never, ever forgotten what it was like to be this close to seeing something so magical.

Two theories as to why Santa chooses a chimney as his best means of entry: 1) When he started his job he was thinner and it wasn’t such a tight squeeze, 2) he likes hot biscuits.

Three things you want for Christmas: 1) Heelys, baby! (those shoes that have a wheel under the heel that make it look like kids are hovercrafting around the grocery store - yeah, I want those) 2) a writing class (got it – thank you, Mick), 3) warmer clothes for this cold not-in-Sausalito-anymore climate.

Four of your favorite Christmas movies: I’m not big on holiday movies, but I suppose I’d list 1) Elf, 2) About A Boy (the ending has a Christmas scene, I think?), 3) Rudolph (see Rudolph and Hermey the dentist at right), and 4) A Christmas Story (duh – what can compare to the tongue stuck to the frozen pole, or the too-bundled up kid that can’t get up after he falls over?).

Five ways you’ve been naughty this year: puh-leaze. I know better than to answer this.

Six ways you’ve been nice: not really fair to plead the fifth on naughty and then answer for nice.

Seven people you suspect are elves: Elves as in look like them? That actress, Tilda Swinton; that politician, Bill Lieberman; that rocker, Elton John; that Olympic gymnast, MaryLou Retton; and that prince, Charles. Elf as in gift-giver? My sister-in-law Dana - she gives the most thoughtful gifts ever, like she can’t even keep herself from doing it, as if it’s part of her magical genetic makeup. Elf as in dress like them? Maybe Mick in any cross-dressing Halloween costume he dons.

Eight of Santa’s reindeer: According to Dane this morning: “Dasher and Dancer, Donald and Dixon. And Prancer… Is that eight yet?”

Nine uses for snow: Curmudgeon’s answer? 1) cause accidents, 2) make you way too cold, 3) freeze your pipes, 4) snowballs to the head that spray snow down your back, 5) cancel school. Kids’ answer? 6) cancel school, 7) play outside all day long, 8) soak through your sweats and mittens, which doesn’t matter in the least because you’ve found an awesome sledding hill, 9) that one snowball straight to your mom’s eye while she's chatting with the neighbor.

Ten least favorite things about Christmas: extra stuff, calories, fat, spending, errands x2

Eleven word associations to figgy pudding: 1) piggy, 2) fudding, 3) sticky, 4) gummy, 5) squishy, 6,7,8,9) Jhon Gilroy’s dog’s name, 10) mincemeat, 11) fruitbread

Twelve reasons you love Christmas: extra stuff, calories, fat, spending, carols, LOVE x2.

If you've read this far, maybe you need to do this Tag, too. Drop me a comment and then post your tag on your blog or send me the Word doc... if you're up for the challenge.

Ho HO ho.

That's Our Boy
quote of the day

I'd rather be weird than cool. You like stuff that others don't.
-Dane, age 8*


*Photo taken 2006, San Francisco Exploratorium. Special exhibit to test our responses to unlikely pairings. Here's a drinking fountain made from a toilet. Supposedly it was never used as a toilet.

MUSTACHE REVOLUTION

A woman shouldn’t be ashamed of shaving – her upper lip.

That’s right, folks, it’s time for a Mustache Revolution.

I’m sure this revolution has been started before, by some hairy Betty in some by-gone era who had a few faithful Sallys offering timid support, but it looks like Betty tucked that Gilette away when the rest of her friends quit inviting her to bowling night.

But this hairy Betty is resurrecting the movement. Here’s what I would love to do. No – let the leader of the new Mustache Revolution be more honest than that – here’s what I love to do:

Shave my mustache.

There, I’ve admitted it. I know it’s a HUGE no-no. The whiskers! The masculinity of it! The financial ease of it! At least wax (at home or in the parlor). At least do something hi-tech like electrolysis. At least bleach. But whatever you do, don’t shave! And be sure to do whatever you do discreetly and privately. Do not tell your girlfriends and do not let your children or partners see you.

But what are we afraid of? Looking (or feeling) a bit prickly? Being too much like men?

Well, guess what? Maybe we are. Maybe even growing mustaches is an inherent link we need to admit we share with mankind.

Sure, it’s significant that we even demurely admit we grow them. It’s a step forward that women have the option to wax, electrocute, or bleach unwanted facial hair. But what a step it would be if we could just shave.

Think of the progress we could make! Shaving our mustaches – in front of our partners, our children, our friends – could do more to equalize women and men than any amount of pants-wearing, bra-burning or corporate-ladder-climbing since Susan B. Anthony hoisted her first picket sign.

Of course, the ultimate step forward would be to proudly grow a mustache. Really -- think of the fashion possibilities! Women could start their own Handlebar Clubs (google it – you’ll see what I mean), cultivating the coveted “grass grin” or “splay press.” Heck, we could bring new meaning to their “bush puss.” The possibilities are endless if we could just own our ‘staches.

Unfortunately, though, telling someone you shave your mustache is like telling them you wear a jock strap.

But maybe it’s time one of us untucked our brass balls and took on the challenge. I know mine are knockin’.

Click, click, ladies. It’s time for a revolution.

* * *

BEARDS FROM AROUND THE WORLD

After the first graders successfully wrap up their "Breads From Around the World" project, I think their next endeavor should be "Beards From Around the World." Imagine the possibilities for learning:

"My mom has the best goatee..."

Ashland Snow

Quote of the Day

Ever since it snowed, these are the best days of my life.

-Dane, age 8

I MUST CONFESS, I STILL BELIEVE... (still believe!)

BREADS FROM AROUND THE WORLD

My mom makes the best cornbread!

First Grade Homework Assignment:

1. You will choose one type of bread from around the world. Preferably the bread that has meaning for both you and your family. You may choose bread that has cultural meaning behind its use (i.e. tortillas are used in Hispanic communities and pita bread in Arabic cultures.) Or, choose bread that is used in religious ceremonies or other special family gatherings like Hanukah or Easter. Another suggestion may be bread that is a family favorite used daily or at other family occasions like barbecues or parties. The choice of bread is up to you.

2. You will use a worksheet to record the information and facts you need for a short oral presentation.

3. You will give a short oral presentation about the bread of your choice. You will need to create a display of some sort to use while presenting your bread to the class. The visual display is a tool to assist you while you present. A poster board may be used, but other formats are welcome, such as dioramas, mobiles, or class interactive games. You may want to bring in other items to help with your oral presentation (i.e. Halloween costumes, bread samples, ornaments, Easter candles, Thanksgiving pictures, a menorah, an American flag, or a New Year's Eve horn). Be creative and have fun!

WHAT DOES AUBREY CHOOSE?

Jiffy cornbread from a box, served with honey and a can of chili.

OPENING LINE?
"My mom makes the best cornbread!"

Alas, she may have chosen bread in a box, but I do believe that this chick rocks!

Note: the sound's not very good, so turn your computer volume high. But even without great sound, you can see how well she knew her material and used her poster to guide her presentation. Way to go, Aubrey!

TIME NOW FOR

OUR FAVORITE SAILOR:
That Naval Cousin Scott

Mick's cousin Scott enlisted in the Navy almost two years ago. (See "Netty's Brag Page" January 30, 2007.) He's out on a ship right now and sends us these great email updates. An early one was about piracy off the Somali coast, another was about when he was Sailor of the Week (Mmmm hmmmm, everybody say, Go Sailor!), and most recently about a revered Navy tradition, Crossing the Line. Here's what he wrote about that:

Today we crossed the equator. There was a ceremony where all the people who haven’t crossed (pollywogs) got harassed subjected to various torture by those who have already (shellbacks). At 0530 we were to get up, don inside-out coveralls, and wear our “wog” shirts decorated with team spirit material. It was all in good fun of course. Here are some pictures. One is a high speed torpedo evasion drill.

And then he emailed this followup Wikipedia-type explanation for Crossing the Line - and of course we respect the ceremony all the more now, Scott. :)

* *

The ceremony of

Crossing the Line is an initiation rite in the Royal Navy, U.S. Navy, U.S. Coast Guard, and other navies which commemorates a sailor's first crossing of the equator. Originally the tradition was created as a test for seasoned sailors to ensure their new shipmates were capable of handling long rough times at sea. Sailors who have already crossed the equator are nicknamed (Trusty) Shellbacks, often referred to as Sons of Neptune; those who have not are nicknamed (Slimy) Pollywogs.

The two-day event (evening and day) is a ritual of reversal in which the older and experienced enlisted crew essentially takes over the ship from the officers. Physical assaults in keeping with the 'spirit' of the initiation are tolerated, and even the inexperienced crew is given the opportunity to 'take over'.^{[citation needed]} The transition flows from established order to the controlled 'chaos' of the Pollywog Revolt, the beginnings of re-order in the initiation rite as the fewer but experienced enlisted crew converts the 'Wogs' through physical tests, then back to, and thereby affirming, the pre-established order of officers and enlisted. Like the old physically- and emotionally-intensive boot camp, the "Crossing the Line" ritual deconstructs then reconstructs the initiates' experience from newbie outsider into the experienced military fraternity.

The eve of the equatorial crossing is called Wog Up-Rising and, as with many other night-before rituals, is a mild type of reversal of the day to come. 'Wogs' - all of the uninitiated - are allowed to capture and 'interrogate' any shellbacks they can find (eg, tying them up, cracking eggs or pouring aftershave lotion on their heads)

* *

I wonder if Scott's a Shellback now that he's presumably gotten the Pollywog treatment? Or, wait, is it the Shellback that gets the treatment from the Pollywog? Whatever the case, this Rogue Reynolds chick has thought about something unusual today, thanks to her favorite sailor.

Sad

It's always a little confronting when you realize you're in a little bubble of oblivion and security. Last night we had a great time at the JPR Wine Tasting and Silent Auction Fundraiser, held at the Ashland Springs Hotel. We didn't bid on anything, but we had a lot of fun mingling with old and new friends - and eating more hazelnut cream puffs than any human being deserves. We could afford the entry tickets, we could afford the babysitter, and we have gainful employment and our health.

Meanwhile, 500,000 Americans were laid off last month, and Zimbabwe's political impasse has created 12,000 cases of Cholera with at least 600 deaths.

That's hard to stomach.

Peace,
Anjie

A day in the life

A pencil is pinched in the grip of a hand.
His organs are squeezed until he feels
as if his heart is in his eraser
and his intestines are in his lead.
Each letter looped or straightened
stubs his toes, drags his heels;
each erased mistake balds his hair
in rough, uneven patches.
When the sentence is finished
he is dropped with a thud to the paper
where he nurses a tremendous headache.
The paper is none too pleased either:
he's a dull No. 2, heavy across her abdomen.


by Anjie Reynolds
August 2008

Those Sweet Reynolds Men

Maurie
When I married Mick, his grandfather, Maurie, toasted us at our wedding. He told the story of how he and his wife Kay had met me in Juneau, Alaska, when they were up on an Elderhostel cruise. When they'd got into port they'd called Mick and asked him to meet up with them at the Baranof Hotel for drinks (gin and tonics - without the tonic, ew!) and a game of cards. On the phone, Mick asked if he could bring a friend and Maurie had said, "Sure, bring him along." We all had a good laugh as Maurie recounted his surprise at meeting me that night instead of some buddy of Mick's. So, in the dark of the Baranof Bar, with lots of laughter and some serious competitiveness, the four of us played a raucous game of 3-13 and I was smitten with Mick and his grandparents. I hadn't met anyone else from Mick's family yet, so they were my first introduction to the Reynolds clan, and they've all been wonderful since. Needless to say, then, when Maurie lovingly told me on our wedding night, "Anjie, you don't just marry a man, you marry his family," I couldn't believe how sweet he was and how lucky that was for me.

Mick
Mick captured my heart a couple weeks later that summer in Juneau when we were carpooling to work. It happened to be the first day of school and we'd stopped for a bus picking up kids. A dad was standing there with his little girl, straightening her coat and sending her up the bus's steps. I looked over at Mick and he had glistening tears in those sweet brown eyes and his shoulders shook a little when he smiled at me.

Mike
And then there's Mike. Grandad. He's the reason I started this little post today. He's done lots of things since I met him that have endeared him to me - like pinning his grandkids' names to his chest on Valentine's Day for an e-photo (see picture at right) - but this weekend he was pure honey. He brought his guitar down for Thanksgiving and worked with each of his grandchildren, his "treasures," as he calls them, teaching them the old song, "All Through the Night." Thanksgiving evening, then, he gathered everyone around for the kids to sing - in all kinds of keys, which had its own charm, of course - for everybody. They sang three verses. Here's the first:

Sleep my child and peace attend thee,
All through the night
Guardian angels God will send thee,
All through the night;
Soft the drowsy hours are creeping,
Hill and vale in slumber sleeping,
I my loved ones' watch am keeping,
All through the night.

Talk about heart-melting. And when they'd finished, he obliged them when they wanted to wrap it up with their big-time favorite he taught them, "The Cat Came Back," and its many crazy verses. It was about the sweetest thing you've ever seen.

Dane
Ah, my littlest honey boy. I read him and Aubrey a book the other night called "The Shoebox." It's a Christmas story about a sad little boy who finds love in foster care after months of silence and pain. At the turning point in the story, when the boy lays before the manger his shoebox - filled with representations of anything that has mattered to him since he entered foster care - I looked over at Dane to find his face red and his eyes watery. Sensing he was about to cry, I asked, "Is this story moving you, Dane?" and he nodded his head and sucked in a shuddering breath as his face got redder. Then he just let loose and let out a cry. I pulled him to me as he cried and took more deep shuddering breaths, trying to get back his control. We stayed that way for a while, talking about sadness and hope and how every kid deserves a home where they feel safe and loved. Later that night, Dane brought up the book again, saying, "Mom, remember the other book that makes me cry?" Before I could answer, he said, "The Giving Tree..." and he looked over his shoulder at me and smiled as he climbed up his loft ladder. I couldn't help but give him a pat on his sweet little butt.

* * *

Other Reynolds Men
I could keep going here, writing about Kai and Rod and Pat and Tom and Chuck - other fabulous, sweet Reynolds men - but that'll have to wait for another blog. I have to wrap this up for now.

Other Sweet Men
I could also keep going here, writing about Don and my Uncle John and my Uncle Lorren and my Grandpa Lorren. I've seen them being sweet as pie, but they'll have to wait their turns. At least I know I've got some more blog material ahead of me....